Always Changing, Probably

I don’t often write about work, and my family and friends seem so befuddled about it that I rarely even bring it up. It’s not fascinating or earth-shattering, but I do enjoy it.

First, a little background: When I finished my undergraduate work (English and anthropology), I knew I wanted to work in publishing, preferably academic publishing. I was certain I did not want to teach, and really, what else is there for an English major but publishing or writing? So I continued with a master’s degree in publishing. Was it more than I needed? Perhaps. It also… Read More …

Recalculating Route

Most people think of me as fairly laid back and tolerant. For the most part, I am. But what they often don’t see is that I’ve spent my entire life fighting, and what appears as calm is more often mental exhaustion.

Over the years, I fought for love and affection. I fought for respect. I fought for opportunities that weren’t really meant for me. I fought for a better life than the one I knew in adolescence. I fought to stay afloat financially. I fought for truth, when people didn’t want to hear it. I fought for everything I have and everything I am. Nothing I have was handed to me.

Imagine running a mental marathon for 40 years. That’s what it’s been like, and I was exhausted. Need for escape from the fight had reached urgency.

Read More …

Glimmers

Sometimes life just gets to be routine. I think we all experience such periods, where time passes but nothing seems to be happening. Hell, some people like it that way, but I don’t. I need change. I need substance. I need life! Typically, I have those things—but not always.

Lately I’ve had one of these periods, almost since the time I finished my master’s degree in 2009. Sure, I stay busy, learning all I can about the things that I hope will be helpful in my career or at least in my hobbies. I’ve designed and helped edit two books. I’ve also been applying for jobs off and on, but believe me, there is nothing in that process that feels like life other than the slight hope of landing that perfect job. And that hope isn’t always there. Sometimes it’s just… Read More …

Let’s Try This Again.

I posted on this very topic before. To list the cliches: Something’s gotta give. I’m stuck in a rut. I’m at the end of my rope. I’m a man on the edge!

All of it is true. I’m sick of the same old shit—the same old places, same old people, same activities, even the same foods. No offense to anyone, of course. I just can’t take much more. I need to move on, one way or another.

The job hunt has been a heap of suck, frankly. Because of work, driving to work, preparing for work, trying to cook for pennies, then cleaning, etc., I just don’t have a whole lot of time to apply for jobs. Add in a bit of exercise or some out-of-the-ordinary drama/responsibilities, and well, no applications go out. Read More …

Empire State of Mind

The dream is still alive. I hesitate to call it a dream, because honestly, it’s a necessity. New York is still where I have to be.

You see, I’m about $65,000 in debt for my education. Never having the opportunity to just be a student, I also worked myself to the edge of insanity and poor health to get the skills needed for the career I want in publishing. Where else but New York?

I haven’t given up, and there are always plenty of prospects. I have applied for quite a few, but not nearly enough. It’s not easy… Read More …

When I Ruled the World

I pride myself on having no regrets or resentments in life. Every single thing that has ever happened to each of us makes us who we are today. If you’re truly happy with that person, then every struggle and every joy was well worth it. And I am mostly happy with who I am.

But this doesn’t mean I don’t miss a few opportunities I once had.

When I was a kid, I pretty much ruled my world. Everything was there for me to see, and there seemed to be few limits! I’m not saying… Read More …

Burnout and Change

Okay. So yeah, I only have two classes. Yeah, one of them is pretty much a joke other than exams which I hate. Yes, the other is in one of my majors and on a subject I like. But working full-time and having a life on top of that, I honestly don’t have the time to write a 6+ page RESEARCH paper every week.

I had all day Sunday, Monday night, and lunch/breaks today to… Read More …

The end is near…

On Tuesday I’ll embark on my final journey at UD. My last semester. My last two classes as an undergrad. My last two classes with juvenile, flip-flop wearing, cellphone yapping, gum-chewing, slutty dressed, over-perfumed, superficial, AbercrombieZombie, Ugg-wearing, sex-starved dingbats. Will I miss that? Hell no.

I’ve been on the verge of screaming at the little brats for a long time, wanting to break their spirit by telling them their life will amount to little more than unhappy marriages, debt, and taxes.

I’ll miss UD though. Sure I’ll still… Read More …

Grad School

Okay, it’s getting rather close to time to choose a grad school… since I’m now entering my final year at UD.

I could probably beg my way into UD. They require a 3.5 GPA overall, and a 3.5 GPA for all English courses. I have over a 3.5 in my English courses, but will likely barely make a 3.0 overall. The GRE would be important—and I’ve Read More …